In this segment of "Meanwhile" (0:46), Stephen Colbert delivers a satirical news roundup covering a variety of strange headlines:
- High-Fat Diets (1:03): Scientists found that gut bacteria can enter the brain from high-fat diets, which Colbert jokes brings him closer to "eating cheese with his mind."
- Ruth's Chris Steakhouse Dress Code (1:20): Colbert mocks the restaurant chain for its new dress code and ambiguous apostrophe usage in its name.
- Tooth Fairy Inflation (1:50): A poll shows the value of lost teeth has increased by 17%, leading Colbert to mock the concept of polling children about their teeth (2:05).
- Cruise Ship Norovirus (2:40): 153 people were infected with norovirus on a Princess cruise ship, with Colbert suggesting a chaotic buffet as the likely culprit.
- Taco Bell Skincare (3:02): Taco Bell is selling Baja Blast eye patches, which Colbert jokes will make users "die soon" rather than being "diehard" fans.
- Keeping Cats Indoors (3:44): Researchers recommend keeping cats inside for a longer life, to which Colbert quips that if cats were meant to go outside, they wouldn't spend all their time licking themselves (4:05).
